Common workplace jargon hilariously decoded

'Per my last email' -
Can you not read? I've already answered everything you're asking!

'Thank you for your feedback, I'll keep it in mind' - I do not agree at all with your criticism. In fact, it's completely irrelevant, and I will never consider it.

'While I understand your urgency' - It is not my fault that you are running behind on your tasks, so do not rush me.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'I've attached another copy for your convenience' - You are either incompetent, unorganized, or ignoring the first copy I sent you.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Shall we take this offline?' - I do not want to talk about this anymore, but if we must then give me some time to figure out what is actually happening.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Correct me if I'm wrong' - I know 100% that I am not wrong and there is no use in challenging me. But I dare you…

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Let's have an onboarding session' -  I cannot wait to spill some serious tea!

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Just a few things' -
There are many, many things wrong with this, but let's start slow.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Just to clarify' -
Are you aware of how ridiculous your input sounds right now?

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'I'll let you two take it from here' - I never once wanted to participate in this conversation and finally I have found an out. Please do not contact me on this further.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'As you no doubt are aware' - We both know you got yourself into trouble, so there's no use in pretending.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Friendly reminder' -
The intention behind this message is extremely unfriendly...

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Thanks in advance' -
I've phrased this as a request but it's actually a demand that I want no further discussion on.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Thanks for the input!' -
I did not ask for your input, and this unsolicited advice is not useful to me. Do not do it again.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'This idea has legs' -
I'm going to reject this idea, but only later because you look like you really can't handle it right now.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'I want this by EOD (end of day)' - This isn't actually that important, but I really do not enjoy seeing that you have a life.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'According to my records' -
I've been keeping receipts because I absolutely do not trust you, so don't even try to pull a fast one.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

'Hope this helps' -
Do not ask me for anything ever again or you will certainly receive calculated mediocrity.

Heading 2

Heading 2

Heading 2

Click Here